Dr. Loy L. Azalia shares how to navigate this new normal of not needing to stay busy.
I’m sure that we can all agree that we wish 2020 didn’t happen.
Well, we can at least rewind the year back enough to a time before the world experienced a global health pandemic. I think I’ve contemplated cutting all my hair off every other day, just to quell my yearning for needing some sort of change in my life. Seriously, something has to give. With no definite end in sight and the mixed messages we’re getting from local and federal government officials, it looks like it’s time for us to all get comfortable with doing nothing, or rather, get comfortable with this “new normal.” Admittedly, this is a hard concept for me and a lot of other black women.
It is no secret that women tend to take on more domestic and work-related responsibilities than that of men in most areas of everyday life. Before COVID-19, my to do lists were entirely far too long. From the smallest of tasks to the largest of tasks—I methodically wrote down every single thing I had to do throughout the day, week, and month. Whatever that couldn’t get done would be pushed to the next day, next week or next month. Essentially, I had a never-ending list of tasks to complete. Mind you, these are all personal tasks, which do not include work or family obligations. As black women, we are constantly being asked to help and also are required and expected to assist others on a daily basis, not leaving room for ourselves.
One of my friends, who is a wife and mama, is currently moonlighting as a home-school teacher to her two small children while teleworking from her job. She told me not too long ago, “I hope I’m doing this thing right,” in regards to how she was keeping her household afloat in these times. I told her, that I was inspired by her, and was always amazed at how much she did. This is not the first time I said this to her, but every time I say it, she looks shocked. Although the duties and responsibilities of wives/partners, and mothers/parents do not stop, there still lies this personal, familial and societal pressure for women to always be able to “perform” their gendered roles. Our conversation highlighted for me just how important it is to ease up on myself to not feel bad for not having everything planned out or get everything done.
I do not recall a time in my life whereby I couldn’t put deadlines behind my tasks and goals, which was really messing with me a few weeks ago. I’d become so accustomed to being “efficient” and filling my days with tasks, errands and chores that now not being able to do much has impacted how I view myself. To a certain degree, the level of my productivity equated to how I valued my self-worth. Being productive on a daily basis has always been very important to me and recently I’ve taken more earnest steps in rethinking and redefining what being productive actually means.. A lot of it is pressure I placed on myself, but mostly pressure that was placed on me by society. My self-worth has very little to do with how much I can get done in one day, but more to do with how I feel about myself and take care of myself, which sometimes means allowing myself to rest, heal and just be.
To help me in navigating this new normal, I’ve developed a process by which I can determine how productive (or not) my day or week will be.
- Keep a weekly master to-do list: Each week, I take the time to ask myself: What are the most important things that need to get done right away? What can wait until next week, so I don’t feel overwhelmed? If I only get a couple of those things on the list done in a day, I don’t beat myself up about it.
- Prioritize wellness and peace-of-mind: Anything or anyone that makes me feel anxious, or puts added pressure on me, I step away from, gather myself and regroup. I later revisit the situation when I have a more clear mind. Your wellness should be number on your list of to-do’s, but remember, it’s all a process.
- Do something you enjoy in between tasks or after you’re done: It’s important to do something that breaks up the monotony of the day. I personally enjoy listening to music, taking walks, and looking up different types of African-chic home decor. Your mind needs a rest from the serious stuff often, to keep burn-out at bay.
- Do nothing. And be okay with that: The thing is we are hardwired to always feel like we have to keep moving and find something to do, but in reality, we should be more conscious about how much strain we put on our mind and bodies. This doesn’t mean abandoning your responsibilities altogether, it just means to be more mindful about what it is you’re doing, especially during this period of social-distancing.
The socio-economic uncertainty around the pandemic, frustration and forced isolation has left me feeling emotionally up and down some days, but what gives me slight peace (and at the same time a bit of uneasiness), is that I am not the only one feeling this way. Many of us are dealing with this situation the best way we know how. As with everything in life, this time we’re in will not last forever. In this new normal, I’m learning to not fill my days with tasks, errands, and chores, but rather I’m learning how to do nothing—and that’s okay.
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Dr. Loy L. Azalia is a gender, culture and education scholar-practitioner. She specializes in education policy, women and girls empowerment, men and masculinities in post-conflict and under-resourced/economically distressed communities within Africa and the Black Diaspora. She is the co-editor of ‘Pan-African Spaces: Essays In Black Transnationalism,’ which explores black identity from a global perspective.
Dr. Azalia also runs Akullu.com, a personal and creative outlet to share her experiences, ideas, insight, and resources that better equip black women and anyone who resonates with the content with the tools necessary to achieve true wellness as well as their personal and professional goals. Akullu’s goal is to also inspire and cultivate critical thought and dialogue around topics of gender, culture, wellness and lifestyle that directly impact Black personhood. Keep up with Dr. Azalia on Instagram and Twitter.
